Dirty Tactics On and Off the Pitch
by franken-burgers
Summary: ORIGINALLY BY SINANDSMILE ON QUIZILLA! I DO NOT OWN!
1. Chapter 1

**This story was originally written by SinandSmile on Quizilla, but Quizilla shut down and this was just one of the many stories presumed lost to the internet. Recently I was cleaning out the files of my old laptop and lo and behold, I found this gem. I know it was pretty popular on Quizilla, and I know that there are probably plenty of people itching to re-read it. So of course the only logical thing to do is to share it right? So, without further ado, I present to you Dirty Tactics On and Off the Pitch. Enjoy.**

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It was a blistering, sunny day and you sat with your eyes shut allowing the rush of the wind to toss the ends of your hair about gently. The compartment was stuffy and hot and even with the window flung wide open you felt drowsy with the late summer heatwave. The fact that it was now the start of September didn't seem to bother the weather all that much and as the sun made one of its rare appearances you grimaced at the thought of having to change into your heavy green robes any minute now.

A quiet knock on the compartment door made you pry open your eyes just a slither, there stood at the other side of the dirty glass door was a nervous looking fourth year.

"Mia," you called out weakly, "Go and open the door will you."

You didn't move but waited silently for her reply knowing exactly what it would be. Sure enough after a moments pause a voice answered you back,

"Go and get it yourself you lazy git."

Despite the insult, your lips curved into a smirk. Mia had been your best friend since second year when you'd cast a quick and well-aimed hex at some idiot calling her a 'mudblood'.

See that was the unusual thing about Mia, (or Amelia as others knew her) she was the only muggle-born in the whole of Slytherin house, as a rule it was usually only pureblood descendants that were allowed the honour of such a prestigious house with the occasional half-blood managing to weedle in. But then suddenly, seven years ago to date, the first ever muggle-born was ordered to go and sit at the Slytherin table by the raggedy old hat.

You'd never had a problem with blood lines though, _A person makes themselves what they truly are,_ you'd always thought.

You eased yourself back to the present and pulled yourself up off the seat to slide back the compartment door.

"Yes?"

You said harshly realising you still had your eyes closed.

"Sorry Miss Monroe but you're wanted down in the last compartment to start your prefect duties,"

The little girl in front of you looked terrified and you looked at her briefly before answering.

"Fine. Go and tell the impatient reject down there to be careful not to overheat as I am on my way."

You said the last few words with a mixture of sarcasm and contempt because you knew exactly who the impatient reject down there was, the same idiot who had called your best friend a mudblood all those years ago... making him one of your shared and most despised enemies.

Draco Malfoy.

You flicked the blinds of your compartment down and as Mia had already passed out into a deep and somewhat noisy sleep, you quickly changed into your school uniform.

Soon after you were gliding down the corridors, as slowly as you could mind you, on your way to the bottom most compartment. Your green robes contrasted perfectly with your light summer blonde hair and blue eyes and gave you a strikingly elegant look each school term. The skirt was etched up just a little higher than school standards but you knew you would get away with it, after retaining an OUTSTANDING grade average over the past seven years, most of the teachers believed you could do no wrong. Though everyone else knew, you most definitely could.

You were nearing the last few doors now and so you decided to take a moment to call into a few others compartments first. You slid open the door to your left to find two red-robed students locked together.

You coughed loudly and gave the pair a tiresome look as Ginny Weasley's head came up into view, her cheeks flushed bright red and she hurriedly tried to straighten out her hair. The boy seemed to have vanished into thin air but you gave her a steely gaze and said,

"I think Professor Snape should find fifty house points an adequate amount to dock from Gryffindor for this inappropriate behavior."

You smirked at her and turned to leave when you heard her mutter,

"Just because she can't get a guy."

You spun round immediately and administered the death glare that you had perfected over the years causing her to physically shrink back into the walls.

"Oh believe me, I could have anyone on this train if I wanted. But unlike you, I have reasonably high standards so I wouldn't just settle for Potter."

You spat out his name with venom and you couldn't help but let another smirk flutter into your lips at Ginny's shocked and disbelieving face.

"But how did you...how could you...he...you...?"

She trailed off, obviously confused at how you managed to guess who had joined her in the compartment only a moment ago.

You see the invisibility cloak that jumped up show off used so often, was not as secret as they had obviously thought. You'd encountered it before of course, every time the 'hero of the hour' had used it in an attempt to stop any of your perfectly executed plans, much to your annoyance.

You continued to smirk as you sauntered out of the doorway leaving the youngest of the Weasley set to furiously try and work out just what had given it away.

You walked down the remaining carriage with a smile plastered across your face and just as you were finishing off congratulating yourself on your triumph you were greeted by a pair of stony grey eyes and a shock of platinum blonde hair.

"If you weren't in my own house, I'd take at least a hundred points from you immediately for such lateness and incompetence."

You let out a long sigh, heavily coated in sarcasm and replied,

"Oh so it's YOUR house now is it Malfoy? Funny, I must have missed that memo."

You smiled sweetly at him, knowing it would just wind him up further,

"Please don't try and get clever with me Monroe, I would have thought you'd learnt by now that the consequences are almost never attractive."

Draco kept his voice calm and cool though his infamous smirk was nowhere to be seen.

"Yeah, I learnt that the first time I saw your 'angry' face."

You brushed over to the window knocking his shoulder as you passed. You tugged at the window, trying to get it to open in the sweltering heat, but no amount of straining seemed to be doing the trick.

 _Oh this just isn't fair_ , you thought to yourself, _I dazzle with my comebacks before making a fool of myself because I can't open a god damn window!_

You breathed deeply and were about to pull at it once more when a loud crack and wave of strength flung you into the seat at the side of the compartment. Another, identical, sound and the window was wide open too.

You jumped up and turned to face a smug look of victory and pride smirking at you from Draco's face.

"Your aims getting worse Malfoy," you spat, desperately trying to restrain yourself from using your own, finely tuned, wand skills to shave off all of his blinding hair.

"Now if you're quite done pulling that unappealing face we can get started on our patrol."

And before he was able to retort you'd stormed past him and were heading off down the carriage again.

The routine check was slow going and with Malfoy stopping at nearly every carriage containing an attractive girl, you'd had plenty of time to stew over your little tiff.

You and Malfoy had never got on.

The hatred had first come out back in second year but even before that you'd found it difficult to continue a civil conversation with the guy.

 _He's just too self-confident and egotistical, it's not human for god's sake,_ you thought, staring at him with distaste as he was handed his nineteenth invite to a girl's dorm of the afternoon.

He finally came strutting out of the compartment only to stop when Goyle came hurtling past,

"Might have to do a bit of Slytherin work with that one," he said, smirking and gesturing to the girl who was now looking rather flustered and sat giggling with her friends.

You squeezed your eyes shut, desperately trying to erase all of his cretinous existence from your mind.

 _I mean, what kind of parents could create such an annoying, vain ponce of a son?_

But the very most annoying thing about him was that every Saturday afternoon, after you'd turfed the Hufflepuffs off the Quidditch pitch, you had to obey every order he threw at you.

It drove you insane.

At the very end of last year's term, Marcus Flint, the previous Slytherin team captain had been forced to resign after repeatedly hitting a bludger at Professor Sprout during a match, as she refused to boost his failed grades. Although, you'd never really liked Flint, who leered at you every practice and offered to give you private broom handling lessons in his dorm, he was far better than the replacement captain, Malfoy.

Malfoy used the practices as a means of revenge, it was, after all, the only time he could ever successfully tell you what to do and if you complained, which you often did, he would threaten to throw you off the team.

So you would grit your teeth and throw him death glares whenever you got the chance, but abide by his stupid rules and ridiculous tactics for the mean time.

Of course he was harder on you than anybody else on the team, claiming that the only reason you were even on the team in the first place was because

'Marcus wanted some.'

This really cut deep, Quidditch was very important to you. The challenge, the rivalry and the way that you always out flew your competitors, you loved it all. Both he and you knew of course that this was certainly not the reason you were star chaser, well not the only reason anyway. You could rival anyone with your skills and determination out on the pitch and he knew it, but you just couldn't risk trying to find out if those threats were of the empty variety so you lay as low as possible in practices.

Malfoy paraded towards you, a girl flagging at either side of him, their eyes wide and starry as if walking in some legends wake.

"Oh please," you muttered to yourself and started to walk away as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately in your attempt to escape the looming scenario, you crashed into someone who had been stood silently behind you all along.

You stumbled backwards, hand to your bruised forehead, muttering curses under your breath at the obstruction.

When your vision focused itself again, you realized that your obstruction was in fact two of your most delightful classmates! The first of a short, stocky build and the other much more wiry and tall. You groaned in your mind before fixing a smile,

"Blaise! Pansy! What brings you away from your cozy cabins?"

You said it with glee, remembering how much you enjoyed messing with these two. They never could tell when they were being made fun of.

Pansy batted her eyelashes and you noticed the overdone use of lipstick and eyeliner,

"As a matter of fact...YOU."

Her voice was so sickly sweet you thought you might vomit right there on the carriage floor. Luckily, you realised that she was looking straight past you, in fact she was staring straight at a suddenly uneasy Draco.

Unfortunately, Blaise wasn't.


	2. Chapter 2

I stood there wedged between Draco, pansy and Blaise, my back firmly pushing into Draco's chest. I had to admit it but this year he was hotter than ever, and quidditch had a lot to do with that. I mentally slapped myself.

 _What am I thinking! I'm tired, it's hot, and I'm stuck between Draco and pansy, I'm allowed to lose it a bit, ok_. I regain my composure, as I bring myself back to reality. _Ok this situation isn't awkward!_ I shift my weight from one foot to the other as I feel Blaise's gaze on me, I look up to find him drooling. _Jesus that boy needs a bib._

"Great, just great," I mutter to myself.

"Talking to yourself again Monroe? Tut, tut," Draco whispered in my ear maliciously, sending cold shivers down my spine.

"Drackie, baby wanna help me put my robes on, or help take them off?" Pansy asked in her most seductive voice, and then proceeded to wink at him.

Little did she know she sounded more constipated than sexy. Pansy is quite the talented little pug. She can talk, this has never been achieved by any other dogs before, she can also OVER apply makeup and dress like a slut in drag, but one think she can't grasp in her podgy little hands is how to be sexy.

Draco looked at pansy in repulsion and began mumbling to himself, I decided to mimic what he had said to me earlier knowing it would really piss him off.

"Talking to yourself again, Malfoy? Tut, tut."

Draco turned his head swiftly to meet mine, though he was a good few inches taller than me, he then proceeded to give me one of his patented death glares he was known so well for.

"Ooooh, that cuts deep Draco. Invent that one all by yourself?"

I could see I had crossed a line. Suddenly, I felt a hard force push me back from my shoulders. I hit the compartment door and winced in pain as the handle dug into the small of my back. I turned my head slowly to see Draco storming down the carriage, Pansy close on his heels. I turned my head once again feeling the all too familiar gaze of Blaise. He seemed completely oblivious to the events that had just occurred, and worse of all he was still drooling!

"Can I get a wet floor sign over here please," I called out.

 _Imagine if some poor first year runs down this carriage and slips on Blaise's bodily fluids, god, I dread to think._

"Take a picture Blaise, it will last longer and for god's sake shut your mouth! A train might think it's a tunnel."

I felt myself being dragged backwards, and pulled into the nearest empty compartment.

"Jesus Guiseley what happened you've been gone two hours, and I saw Draco storm down the carriage he looks pretty pissed, what did you do to him this time."

I looked up into the eyes of my best friend. She had deep blue eyes that contrasted with her raven coloured curly hair.

"Erm I may have said something that may have deflated his ego, a lot."

Mia knew the only thing that could really make Malfoy lose it was one of my cutting remarks, she had known all too well the result of my last one (let's just say it involved a chicken, a toilet brush, rotten eggs and a very long piece of rope). Unfortunately for Draco the plan backfired leaving him and me on even worse terms.

"You keep pushing your luck Guiseley. I know he's an arse hole, we all do, but he's a powerful arse hole, and so is his dad. And you know what they say, the arse hole doesn't fall far from the arse and..."

I cut her off cause this was getting weird, "Ok Captain Spazoid, I get the picture."

We both began to laugh and carried on as we stepped of the train. We only stopped when Mia screamed.

"Jesus fricking hell, ahhhh!" She stumbled on her luggage that she was pushing in front of her, falling heavily on some poor un-suspecting by stander.

"gerroff, whaaaat yyyyouuu doin?" The words were muffled and slurred probably because Mia was laying flat on top of him.

"Thanks for cushioning my fall, whoever you are." She giggled as a friendly 7th year Slytherin pulled her up off the stranger.

This was no stranger I looked down into the face of a pissed off ferret.

 _Oh, this is not good._

"You filthy little mudblood I..."

I cut him off "What did you just call her?!"

He had made the mistake of calling her that in the second year and had been wise enough to not do it again, until now.

"What, did I stutter?" he joked to his friends looking rather pleased at his pathetic comeback.

I was now fuming. I was saving this comeback for a special occasion, but now seemed as good a time as any. I smirked at my own genius.

"As I recall Malfoy, it was you who did the stuttering when I caught you shagging pug faced Parkinson,"  
I carried on, there was more, and I wanted to humiliate him totally. "I was wondering, was it because Pansy was the best, if only, you ever had? Or was it because even she realized the size of your 'equipment' is not satisfactory if you catch my drift?"

Mia was in tears of laughter behind me, I walked off feeling rather pleased with myself knowing I had paralyzed Draco without the use of my wand.

Malfoy's usually pale complexion turned bright pink as he stood there thinking through what had just happened.

(DRACO'S POV)

 _I'm Draco Malfoy! No one talks to me like that no matter how hot they are. Arg! What I'm saying is erm, no matter how good they think they are. Yeah, good save Draco. God, I'm good._

"She's done it this time," he whispered to himself this time aloud; turning back towards Crabbe and Goyle to resume the conversation about which girl is fitter, a very complex and trying matter for their tiny brains to comprehend.


	3. Chapter 3

You walked away proudly. Mia still by your side, laughing at your instinctive wit and genius.

"Guiseley, you crack me up sometimes," she managed to choke out between fits of laughter.

You curtseyed to your friend and doing your best Elvis impersonation you replied, "Thank you, thank you very much."

You made your way to the carriages that would take you up to the castle and you noticed the addition of four, much larger and beautiful ones this year.

"Whoa, look at those," gawked Mia. "Come on, I'll race you to them!"

She burst off ahead of you, knocking over a group of third year Hufflepuffs who fell over like dominoes over their luggage. You started to laugh but then realised that you were losing and sprinted off behind her. Just as you knocked over your fifth consecutive Gryffindor, by accident of course, you bumped into the back of Mia who had come to an abrupt halt in front of the last in line of the immense, navy blue and silver decorated carriages. She turned to stare at you, an annoyed and disappointed look on her face.

"It says, just for prefects on the side, look."

Sure enough engraved on a small silver plaque nailed to the side of the carriage were the words,

'SLYTHERIN PREFECTS ONLY'. You glanced at the other four up ahead and saw the two prefects from each house clambering into their corresponding carriage.

"Oh come on," you whispered. "Nobody will know and besides, who's really gonna stop us?"

With a mischievous grin, Mia began to clamber in behind you but suddenly froze on the steps.

"What is it Mia? Hurry up, Filch is patrolling."

"I can't get passed here, there's like a shield or force field thingy. What do I do?!"

Just as you were attempting to heave Mia through the shield over the door, Filch came skulking passed,

"My, my my, are we supposed to be doing that ladies?" He croaked at you.

"Oh, Mia, I mean Amelia, was just saying goodbye to me, weren't you Amelia?"

Mia gave a hastened nod to both you and Filch. You saw he was staring at your hands round her arm from where you'd been trying to pull her in. Your mind churned into action and you met Filch's inquiring gaze.

"This is a special handshake we do, for good luck… see"

You winked at Mia who looked slightly confused before you started to wave your hands at her to some sort of imaginary rhythm. She soon caught on and tried to mirror every gesture you made, until Filch who was slightly captivated by your dance routine snorted and shuffled along the line of carriages.

"Guess, I'll see you up at the castle then," Mia said reluctant to give up the silk lined seats you were perched on.

"Yeh, sorry love, I'll meet you up there then."

With that Mia turned away and as you waved her off a voice from behind sneered at you.

"Love ey? Always knew there was more than meets the eye between you two."

"Oh shut it Malfoy, go and sit with your monkey butler friends will you?"

He grimaced and looked up the line of carriages to the one where Crabbe's head was poked out of the window sniffing the air like some sort of pig.

"Do you really think I'd be here if I had a choice? They've put some pointless shield on the carriages this year. They're making the house prefects sit together to go over whatever stupid things we're supposed to discuss."

"Stupid things ey? Well then we're probably supposed to talk about you. So, why don't you start...don't be shy now. "

You smiled warmly at him, confident that this year, you were going to have the upper hand over Malfoy.

 _Still, I wouldn't mind letting this hand have a touch or two of that chest,_ you thought, your eyes wandering down to the indent of evidently toned muscles underneath his school shirt. _Wait, ewwwww hell no! This is Malfoy, MALFOY! M-A-L-F-O-Y. You know, the egotistical moron who's plagued you like a toad for the past seven years._

"See something you like Monroe?"

Malfoy's arrogant voice pulled you back to reality and you realised that you were still staring at his chest.

"Urm..no...," you stuttered, "I just remember reading that having to use magic to improve ones appearance is illegal, not to mention nauseating."

Malfoy continued to smirk wildly,

(DRACO'S POV)

 _I knew it! I knew there was something more to her obsession with me. She thinks I'm hot...bout time too, I've been trying to get her attention for at least a year...hold up...what the hell was in that chocolate I stole off that little munchkin of a student..._

(BACK TO YOUR POV)

You stared unblinking at Draco, whose smirk refused to slide off his face though it was getting so wide, you thought it might turn around and try and eat his whole head.

 _Wouldn't be a bad thing,_ you thought to yourself.

"I can assure you Monroe, that this is all natural baby." Malfoy said, leaning against the carriage door with a swagger that reminded you of Marcus Flint.

You couldn't help it but started to laugh uncontrollably at him, especially when the carriage lurched forward and he lost his balance against the doorframe and almost fell over backwards. He managed to pull himself up into the carriage with you though and sat down rather quickly.

"Do you have any idea what you just said?!" You were still laughing at him but tried to hold it in when you saw the furious expression now covering Malfoy's face. "Is someone a little cross?"

Patronising Malfoy was never a particularly clever thing to do, but it was just so tempting. Malfoy, jumped up and began to lean forwards towards you, rage and embarrassment mixing together to create an unstoppable time bomb, when a loud bang sent you both flying to the floor.

"What the hell's that?" You screamed at Malfoy who was now lying next to you, your legs twisted together from the fall, wondering if Draco had actually exploded.

You could feel the carriage sliding across the slippery ground and the wooden walls seemed to ache as you were thrown about the floor. Draco clambered to his feet and grasped hold off the doorframe just as the carriage came to an abrupt halt.

"Shit," he whispered under his breath, "Whatever you do Guiseley, don't. move."

"Why? What's happening?"

"Sshhhh, now very slowly, crawl towards the right side of the carriage. Don't argue," Draco added as you were about to protest.

He began to edge his way very carefully away from the window. You didn't know what else to do and so you too began to ease your way to the right. You gently got to your feet and stood next to Draco who had plastered himself to the wall.

"What the fuck is going on Draco" You said, breathless with nerves.

"We have to balance the carriage," said Draco, quietly as he was concentrating so hard. "We're hanging off the bank over the lake and if we're too heavy over that side," he gestured with his head to the left hand side of the carriage, "we'll tip over and plummet into the water."

"Tell me what to do," you demanded.

 _We'll freeze to death in that water, and possibly drown,_ you thought, anxiously. All you could imagine was the picture of you and Draco rolling around on the muddy bank before being thrown into the icy waters of the black lake. _You know if this wasn't a life threatening situation...oh shut up Guiseley, this is Draco for heaven's sake. You hate him...look CONCENTRATE._

Draco took a deep breath and spoke quietly, as if afraid that the movement of his mouth and sound of his voice would jolt the carriage over the edge. "We have to somehow tip ourselves backwards-"

But you couldn't register Draco's advice because out of the corner of your eye, you saw the dark brown mass of your trunk slowly slipping off the luggage rack. You held your breath pleading silently for the enormous wooden box to stay put but even as you watched your worst fears were about to come true.

The trunk had glided across to the very edge of the wire rack, and was now teetering perilously, threatening to come cascading down.

"Draco," you whispered interrupting him, "Look."

You slowly raised your hand and pointed at the trunk now looming over your heads. His voice stopped dead, caught on the air and he too stared wide eyed at your luggage.

 _Great, if I don't drown or freeze, I'm going to be crushed beneath a falling suitcase._ The reality of it just wasn't funny.

You both watched the trunk silently as it creaked backwards and forwards teasing your nerves. You prayed harder than you ever had before that this time you'd get lucky. Suddenly you heard shouts and footsteps echoing towards the upturned carriage and you snapped your head round to see who was coming. All at once, you heard one final overpowering creak and a strong arm threw you across the carriage floor. You had a split second to turn around and see the trunk smash deafeningly behind you until a voice just next to your ear said, "Oh bugger, that's done it."

You took one final glimpse at Draco's cool expression and his arm wrapped around your waist before you felt the carriage groan beneath you and slither perilously towards the deep, dark waters.

You felt the angle of the carriage slant beneath you and you looked up to see the black mass of water approaching with frightening speed towards the two most notorious Slytherins, trapped together and awaiting their watery fate.


End file.
